Cobra hearts and aqua mules: Bizarre acts of animal cruelty

I think it’s fair to say that human beings are not nice to animals. It’s not enough that we’re wiping out their natural habitats in the name of progress or farming them in horrendous conditions to make lots of cheap beef burgers. We also like to test out our mascara on them, kill them for their pelts or saw off their horns for bogus medicine (see our post on rhino poaching). The list is endless.

Because it’s all around us, this cruelty can begin to feel so much a part of our everyday lives that we no longer have the energy to pay much attention. Yet sometimes we’re confronted with abuse that’s so unnecessary, inexplicable and bizarre, it’s impossible not to take notice.

It all started when the Earth-Touch team came across an article about a vending machine in a Chinese subway. Sounds rather innocuous – except this particular machine is not stocked with chocolate bars and soda. Instead, time-pressed commuters pop in just $1.50 and, voila, out comes a living, breathing crab. Clearly, it’s fine to pack live animals into plastic containers, chill them to 41°F and dispense them on demand – as long as it satisfies our craving for seafood-on-the-go. (The enthusiastic manufacturers even promise to give you free crabs if your purchase is D.O.A.)

This mind-boggling story got us thinking: how many other astonishingly dumb and inexplicable examples of animal cruelty could we find? And that’s how we opened the proverbial can of worms…

1. What’s on the menu? Dancing shrimp!?

The recipe is simple: take live shrimp, squeeze lemon juice on their exposed flesh and be amused as the crustaceans ‘dance’ on your plate. This delightful dish was on offer at a Sacramento restaurant until PETA helpfully pointed out that the unlucky creatures were not doing a happy dance (surprise!). They were writhing in pain.

2. Nothing says “Visit us!” like a caged kangaroo

If you’re a nation full of friendly people, natural beauty, funny flying tools like boomerangs and distinctive animals, how do go about promoting yourself as a desirable tourist destination? Why not take your national symbol (i.e. kangaroo), shove it in a small cage and leave it on a busy street in Beverly Hills to be scared senseless? That’s what the ingenious folks at Tourism Australia did earlier this year as part of their “G’day USA” advertising campaign…

3. High-diving “aqua mules”

With their streamlined, lithe bodies and champion swimming ability, mules are clearly designed for dangerous water sports. Which is obviously why the organizers of this Texas show chose them to perform terrifying dives into a tank of water for entertainment (that’s besides giving them dumb names like Smokey and Dipsy Doodle).

4. Food that makes you manly

Forget Viagra. If virility is what you’re after, you simply must ingest the still-beating and bloody heart of a cobra. Make sure you pick a specimen of substantial “girth”. Poke it with a sharp stick until it’s really irate and then cut off its head and rip out its beating heart. Garnish and enjoy.

5. The sickest show on Earth

Because you haven’t experienced true entertainment until you’ve seen a critically endangered tiger riding on a petrified-out-of-its-mind horse.

Tiger on horseback in an animal park in Fujian, China

6. Have $200? Why not blow up a cow?

A tourist attraction that’s unique to Cambodia: unused military bases transformed into shooting ranges where foreign tourists test out weapons from an arsenal that includes AK-47s, M-60s and grenade launchers. And for a few hundred dollars, they’ll throw in a live target like a cow or a chicken.